Insatiable

Today, 4 easy miles with Shiloh from Murray Park to NLR and back on the Big Dam Bridge. No time recorded.

I went in search of a long, quiet run on this Winter Solstice night. The park was nearly empty. An overcast sky reflected bright lightning far off in the east, but no rain fell. I had been anticipating this particular run all week. Maybe because of that build up, it took a while to get my head clear. I ran along the dark River Trail path sorting through thoughts, looking for signs, expecting some epiphany to happen.

There's a million pages of stories to be written here about where my head goes when my soul is ready for a spiritual experience. Solstice seems like a night for starting over. So, on this night my mind raced, recounting the amazing and ongoing journey of forgiveness I've been on in dealing with anger, pain, and disappointment that linger from church conflict more than a decade old.

Sure, there's also plenty to be said about how conflict builds character, and I recognize that the person I am today is a result of overcoming and moving on. The passion I feel about inclusivity and liberation theology are born right out of life experience. But I didn't particularly come here to solve those issues tonight.



I came to hide out in the longest night of the year and peer with hope into the darkness of the unknown future.

So by mile 3, I'd worked through days' worth of that old stuff, in fast forward, and found myself trotting along the span of the Big Dam Bridge.

I believe in things way bigger than me. I believe if you seek peace, it's there and comes in its own time. A pause came into my mind and suddenly I was in the moment. Not trying to be somewhere else in time or space or wherever inside your head is, but right there, aware of my surroundings. Aware how much my body enjoys the meditative rhythm of running. Aware of how strange it feels to be so hot I'm dripping with sweat but have a cold nose, ears, and legs. Acutely aware of the three sounds filling up the quiet:

my breathing

Shiloh's claws on the pavement in syncopation with my footsteps

water rushing in the river far below

Beautiful. Thoughts came to mind that don't really bear description...but if I had to pin them down I'd call out words like love and calm and peace and gratitude.

"...May the long Solstice night hold you tenderly, with owl’s sweet lullaby and the faithful stars overhead. May comforting darkness quiet troubled dreams and hold the certainty that our own dark places carry peace within them as well."

--from friend and fellow interpreter Chris Heeter, TheWildInstitute.com

Now, as another friend Tina told me today,

"Now to experience the energy of ever increasing light."